Perfection. And other lies.

When I was little, my mom taught me I needed to master three things if I wanted to find love: 1) cooking 2) accommodating 3) look perfect while doing these things

Eventually I became really good at the first one (mostly because i love to eat), and I gave the last two my best effort for a few years but I could never quite master either of them ever, and trying it at all made me enraged and depressed. 

I wish someone had told me the truth of it when i was a teen: that when you prioritize care for your body, your intuition, your own voice, your own boundaries, your own life, when you focus your energy on being the most fully expressed, whole version of yourself, an inevitable side effect is that it turns on everyone around you. The right men, women, dogs, your drum teacher’s cat.

And I hear it all the time with the couples I talk to. 

Not one of the men that I've talked to has said "i love her because she never fucks up. I love her because she is flawless. 
I love her because she keeps herself small and agreeable. I love her because she never allows herself to be vulnerable. I love her because, eggplant parm.”

They say this:

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groom: i fell in love with her for so many reasons. one is she makes me laugh all the time. and another reason is she's always making me think. she's always thinking of life in ways that I don't and challenges me to..

me: to grow.

groom: yes!

me: well it says a lot about you too, because some men don't want that.

groom: well, those men are fools.